mental health, Mindfulness, Uncategorized, wellness

Out of the Phone and Into Real Life

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I have a confession; I’m starting to have an unhealthy relationship with my phone. I love how convenient it makes my life, but I hate that sometimes I go to bed and feel like my eyeballs have merely jumped from one screen to another for 16 hours of the day! Ironically you are now reading an article about how to minimise your smart phone screen time while you’re on it, am I right?

I realised that I needed to change things when my phone was the first thing I reached for upon waking and the last thing I touched when I went to bed. Too much information? Spooning becomes less romantic when you are holding your phone that’s for sure. I also have moments with my device in the bathroom, the kitchen, the lounge and dare I even say it; the car (only at the traffic lights). But seriously WTF is so important all the time that we need it glued to our hands?

I have a few theories, the first one is FOMO (Fear of Missing Out). God forbid that we will miss something on our Instagram or Facebook feed that happened between the 10 minutes of not checking it! Secondly, the thrill of receiving a notification and the inner dialogue associated with it; “How many people like my post?” or “What did they write?” or “What will they think of me if I don’t write back quickly?” Truly, this happens to all of us, but especially when you’re starting out in business and have never been a massive social media user, hoping that at least someone is finding your content useful. Again, these are my confessions….

So how do we minimise our screen time, when it’s not just social media that lures us, but also our work emails and other stuff like online shopping or the latest viral video that everyone’s talking about. I’m hoping the below list gets me through the next month, so maybe you can try a few tips if you’re feeling the same and let me know what worked for you:

1. Buy an old school alarm clock and keep technology out of the bedroom

2. Stop taking the phone into every area of the house (my place is tiny, this is a problem!)

3. No phone use half an hour before bedtime

4. Give people your full attention when having a conversation – phone down

5. Set a timer for work email notifications i.e – nothing comes through between 7pm and 7am

6. No phones at the dinner table

7. Do something on the weekend without posting about it #guilty

8. Have a meal without instagraming it – I’ve never done this but it may be helpful for others, I’m always too hungry to take pictures!

9. Play with your pets when they are sitting there staring at you on your phone

10. Same as previous but replace this with kids (for me this will be my husband!)

Really, we all just need to reconnect with what’s around us and get our heads out of the phone and into real life. When you have to visit the Chiro because your forehead is constantly facing the floor, it’s time to take action. I’m not there yet and hopefully never will be that bad!

mental health, Mindfulness, Uncategorized, wellness

5 Signs of People Pleasing

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Don’t we all just want to be happy and get along? Most of us search for connection and understanding with others, desiring for life to be peaceful. We avoid conflict as much as possible.

Unfortunately, we also spend a lot of time doing things out of obligation, because we feel bad, because our family said so, or because we come from a culture of keeping people happy at the expense of our own peace. Self-defeating right? Well it doesn’t have to be….

I’m finally coming to understand that it’s ok to say NO, to put myself first and walk away from people who no longer support me and my vision for the future. It’s so hard to be honest with yourself and question why certain people are still your friends, or walk away from an interaction with someone, knowing they just suck the life out of you. The worst part? You agree to do it all again the same time next week, just to keep THEM happy and avoid that awkward conversation.

There are so many signs to show us how much people pleasing we actually do on a daily basis, but I’m going to share with you my experiences:

1) I don’t mind, whatever you feel like/want to do/want to go:

If you are always the one who is compromising your choices, tastes and preferences, you need to STOP. Share your opinions and what you would like to do with people and if they are not respecting that, it’s a clear sign they don’t respect you.

2) Blah blah blah blah, ok thanks for the chat – BYE!

If you have someone who always calls to dump their shit on you and doesn’t even ask how you are or bother to listen to what is happening in your world, move on. This person is self-absorbed and does not see the value in you, so why waste your energy.

3) Downplaying your own happiness and success:

There will always be people triggered by your happiness and ability to create the life you want. Clear signs are when that person makes passive aggressive comments or questions your choices with a smirk on their face, as if to catch you out and expose something sinister to their friends about what’s ‘really going on’. The sad thing is, that person is probably just really depressed in their own life and feeling jealous. Don’t shrink who you are to make them feel better. Have empathy but don’t waste too much time on them.

4) Ah, yeah, sure, ok, I can do that, um….:

The language of NO can be really tough, especially if it’s being said to our family and friends. Often, we say yes to things and days later we regret committing! Be honest with yourself and those around you. Phrases like, ‘I need to be at home this weekend’ or ‘thanks for asking me but I need some time out at the moment’ are not offensive, it’s just putting your needs first. Wouldn’t you rather be honest, than show up as a half-arsed version of yourself when you just aren’t feeling it?

5) 50 First Dates syndrome:

Do you have someone in your life where your friendship feels a bit like each time you meet, you need to warm them up like a car engine on a cold winter’s day? It’s always you accommodating for their social awkwardness or lack of connection. These friendships need to slowly die or end quickly – the choice is yours.

Life is way too short to waste time with the wrong people. Ending friendships and distancing yourself can be painful at first, but your future self will thank you one day I promise!