Uncategorized

The Things We Do For Love

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Like most people, I watched the Royal Wedding over the weekend and through the fancy hats and dresses, I observed Meghan’s face and mannerisms. She was so graceful and reserved, almost looking uncomfortable. I said to my husband “I really hope she’s not sacrificing who she is for Harry”. No doubt there are loads of things she will now have to do differently. He replied, “Maybe being with Harry is bringing her closer to herself. She also has a great platform to launch her humanitarian campaigns”. Aaahhh, good point mate!

This had me looking at our relationship in a different light. About 7 years ago I moved from Perth to Melbourne to be with my husband. I wanted to see if how I felt was real and also, I had nothing to lose. I was the single one in my group of friends whilst everyone else was getting married and having kids, so it was time for me to spread my wings and try something new.

Moving was scary and so different to what I’d imagined. I was naïve to think that I’d just get there, knock Adam over the head like a cave woman and drag his a*se back to Perth. I mean who wouldn’t want that?! What I came to learn very quickly was that he had a great life in Melbourne and if I truly wanted to pursue this, I was going to have to knuckle down and get acquainted with new friends, thermals and great coffee – not so bad right?

Honestly, our relationship has endured many highs and lows based on geographic location. I hate the cold with a vengeance and he loves winter. Skiing gives me anxiety and he LOVES snowboarding. I miss my family every day and of course he loves his family, but I’m an only child from a massive Italian herd. It’s different! I used to feel like I needed to sacrifice so much of who I was for us to work, but as time goes by I realise; If it wasn’t for our relationship, I wouldn’t be who I am now. I wouldn’t be running my own business and experiencing a great life in Sydney (yep another move). We’ve worked so hard together to create a life that is ours, a life that has seen us both grow and evolve.

I’ve had to get used to change being constant in my life, which has made me more resilient. I’ve had to face my own demons and overcome them. I’ve shed so many layers of who I thought I was, to find out who I truly am. It hasn’t come without the tears and heartache, but that’s all part of the journey. We don’t have kids yet so maybe ask me how I’m going when that happens and it might be another story…

What are some things you’ve changed for the people in your life who are nearest and dearest? And how can you frame it differently to see the positive? We are so quick to judge situations in a negative light, until we start to see the lessons and the growth. We can only shift our perspective once we leave our comfort zone and invite new ways of thinking into our lives. Imagine the possibilities when we see things differently!

mental health, Mindfulness, Uncategorized, wellness

5 Signs of People Pleasing

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Don’t we all just want to be happy and get along? Most of us search for connection and understanding with others, desiring for life to be peaceful. We avoid conflict as much as possible.

Unfortunately, we also spend a lot of time doing things out of obligation, because we feel bad, because our family said so, or because we come from a culture of keeping people happy at the expense of our own peace. Self-defeating right? Well it doesn’t have to be….

I’m finally coming to understand that it’s ok to say NO, to put myself first and walk away from people who no longer support me and my vision for the future. It’s so hard to be honest with yourself and question why certain people are still your friends, or walk away from an interaction with someone, knowing they just suck the life out of you. The worst part? You agree to do it all again the same time next week, just to keep THEM happy and avoid that awkward conversation.

There are so many signs to show us how much people pleasing we actually do on a daily basis, but I’m going to share with you my experiences:

1) I don’t mind, whatever you feel like/want to do/want to go:

If you are always the one who is compromising your choices, tastes and preferences, you need to STOP. Share your opinions and what you would like to do with people and if they are not respecting that, it’s a clear sign they don’t respect you.

2) Blah blah blah blah, ok thanks for the chat – BYE!

If you have someone who always calls to dump their shit on you and doesn’t even ask how you are or bother to listen to what is happening in your world, move on. This person is self-absorbed and does not see the value in you, so why waste your energy.

3) Downplaying your own happiness and success:

There will always be people triggered by your happiness and ability to create the life you want. Clear signs are when that person makes passive aggressive comments or questions your choices with a smirk on their face, as if to catch you out and expose something sinister to their friends about what’s ‘really going on’. The sad thing is, that person is probably just really depressed in their own life and feeling jealous. Don’t shrink who you are to make them feel better. Have empathy but don’t waste too much time on them.

4) Ah, yeah, sure, ok, I can do that, um….:

The language of NO can be really tough, especially if it’s being said to our family and friends. Often, we say yes to things and days later we regret committing! Be honest with yourself and those around you. Phrases like, ‘I need to be at home this weekend’ or ‘thanks for asking me but I need some time out at the moment’ are not offensive, it’s just putting your needs first. Wouldn’t you rather be honest, than show up as a half-arsed version of yourself when you just aren’t feeling it?

5) 50 First Dates syndrome:

Do you have someone in your life where your friendship feels a bit like each time you meet, you need to warm them up like a car engine on a cold winter’s day? It’s always you accommodating for their social awkwardness or lack of connection. These friendships need to slowly die or end quickly – the choice is yours.

Life is way too short to waste time with the wrong people. Ending friendships and distancing yourself can be painful at first, but your future self will thank you one day I promise!